On Resolutions

 

Holy crap, it’s 2014. The Lion King is 20 years old, and no child will even know who Tommy or Blue was. (Let us all shed a tear in mourning and clutch our beanie babies tightly) Fitness centers are overrun with the First Month is Free goers; the richter scale is picking up vibrations from the millions of running Vitamixes, and your high school friends are peeking through the window with Starbucks in hand. Yes, readers. It is resolution time.

Now, I don’t have anything wrong with resolutions. I think it’s fabulous when people want to change something about their lives in a positive way. However, I view life in an “everyday is a new day” kinda way, so I feel like resolutions can be thought of each morning.

However, since I am a true follower, I still create resolutions for myself each year. Being the self-less woman that I am, I’ve chosen to share my wisdom on keeping resolutions year-long.

1. Make your resolutions as vague as possible.

This way, you can do the bare minimum and still puff your chest up with pride as you brag to your loser friends how you’ve stuck to your resolutions. Examples: Instead of “Work out twice a week”, say “Go to a gym regularly”. Going to a gym could be as simple as walking inside of a gym, watch some hunky hunkies swim at the pool, then go home to your Walking Dead and taquitos. No one can call you out, because, well, loopholes and such.

2. Tell your resolutions to your mom.

Moms remember everything; especially when it comes to their babies. Remember that time you made the mistake of telling your mom the date rent is due? Yeah, how many times the week prior to paying did she make you remember? So, if you share your resolutions with her, you can be sure to never forget.

3. Make it into a routine.

Just like your 10 o’clock trip on the porcelain bus, you can make your resolutions into a mind-less routine. Some scientist somewhere said that if you can stick to something for somewhere between a week and a month (or something), you can make it into a habit. Or, at least, that’s what I think he/she/they said. I’m a fountain of quality information, y’all.

4. Don’t be afraid of failure.

Cause hey, there’s always next year!

Keep on keepin’ on

-AlwaysDaly